12

Background: One of my friends came out of the closet, mom is in denial about it.

C to his mom: "It's hard to believe that you didn't know. I played with My Little Ponies and Barbies..."

11

Jbo: Don't tell them the truth. It's kind of a turn off.
Me: I'll just say I fell off a horse.
T: On your--
Me: YES!

10

JBo: Well I may go upstairs.
Me: It's 9 o'clock!
JBo: I didn't say I was going to bed.

9

"Well, you're tired because you're depressed and you're depressed because you haven't seen me. The soreness is from all the porn shoots."

8

"So, if your dad's name is Todd and you have to say his name twice to get his attention, does that make him a re-Todd?"

7

"The TV, laptop, and goldfish bowl are the few places I can think of where we haven't fucked."

6

"She can drop me off and I can rape you."