12

Background: One of my friends came out of the closet, mom is in denial about it.

C to his mom: "It's hard to believe that you didn't know. I played with My Little Ponies and Barbies..."

11

Jbo: Don't tell them the truth. It's kind of a turn off.
Me: I'll just say I fell off a horse.
T: On your--
Me: YES!

10

JBo: Well I may go upstairs.
Me: It's 9 o'clock!
JBo: I didn't say I was going to bed.

9

"Well, you're tired because you're depressed and you're depressed because you haven't seen me. The soreness is from all the porn shoots."

8

"So, if your dad's name is Todd and you have to say his name twice to get his attention, does that make him a re-Todd?"

7

"The TV, laptop, and goldfish bowl are the few places I can think of where we haven't fucked."

6

"She can drop me off and I can rape you."

5

Me: So you're pulling out of the race!?!?
Coach: ... I don't pull out.

4

Ria: Munchkin, we didn't talk for a long time.
Me: Oh god.. I'm a terrible sister.
Ria: No, no. Not worse than me.
Me: You're only half a bad sister. You're only half a woman!

3

Ria: Oh boy... I'd have stories to tell.
Me: I know! I'm trying to remember back to 2005 and Niko.
Ria: Yeah, so there was this time I was fisted. I felt like a muppet but I didn't really think anything of it at the time.
Me: *Can't stop laughing*
Ria: Then the twins.
Me: Oh I remember them!
Ria: God. They were so hot.
Me: I remember you showing me a picture of one of them, then I thought, 'Hm, if they're identical twins, then there's no point in me asking for the other's picture.'
Ria: Why is it that the cute, little ones are always the ditziest?
Me: How sad is it that you got the looks and I supposedly have the brains.