21

Operator: 911. What's the emergency?
Me: Uh yeah. Someone just ran off the road on *intersection.*
Op: Can you say that again?
Me: Yeah... someone just ran off the roa-
Op: Please calm down.
Me: I... What?
Op: Ok... hold on.
Me: Did you seriously just put me on hold?
--On hold--
Me, as I was getting out of the truck: Dude, 911 just put me on fucking hold!

20

H: Hey. I have an interesting favor to ask...
Me: Oh?
H: I need hickeys. A couple good ones for practical joke purposes.
Me: ... wat?