Moving in

"You know, I feel like most women would start off moving in with something small, like a toothbrush. You just sorta jump the gun and move in with a whole horse."
"I go big."

Dumbass

"Wow! You're a dumbass, but I respect your right to be a dumbass."

VD

"Are you two going out tonight?"
"Nah. I don't celebrate VD day."
"Scrooge."
"No, man. I tend to show daily affection to whomever I'm fucking, not just on VD day."

House Keeping?

"Every time I go into a horse's stall, I knock and say 'house keeping' in my most Mexican accent, just so they get the full effect."

Love Handles

"They ain't love handles if nobody loves you."