Moral of the Story

"Shit. I still had my ex as my emergency contact. That's all kinds of bad."

"What did we learn?"

"Never put your SO as your emergency contract; always put your gay best friend."

For Being a Girl...

"You know, for being a girl with a vag, you're kind of a dick."

Being PC is Overrated

K: "These ladies have big legs, and hindquarters, like a quarter horse. Woo sprinting!"
J: "It's okay. You can just say they're fat."

23: Don't Ever Not Expect Anything in Castro

Me: Oh shit! I thought that was a girl.
B: That's what you call a gaysian.

22

At the hockey game, I was text messaging C. This took place while I was terribly afraid of water.

Me: Omg. We're getting our asses handed to us on a platter.
C: That's no bueno. Go fuck a bitch up!
Me: I will. ON ICE!
C: Lol. Ice is just another form of water. You know that, right?
Me: :(

21

Operator: 911. What's the emergency?
Me: Uh yeah. Someone just ran off the road on *intersection.*
Op: Can you say that again?
Me: Yeah... someone just ran off the roa-
Op: Please calm down.
Me: I... What?
Op: Ok... hold on.
Me: Did you seriously just put me on hold?
--On hold--
Me, as I was getting out of the truck: Dude, 911 just put me on fucking hold!

20

H: Hey. I have an interesting favor to ask...
Me: Oh?
H: I need hickeys. A couple good ones for practical joke purposes.
Me: ... wat?